One More Time
by Kyla Stone
Summary: Nicole Shepard tries to sort out what is going on in her personal life and handle the problems of the world. Basically a lot of Kaidanxfshep cuteness with a bit of sadness here and there. No idea how many chapters this will end up. Rated T for mild language and future violence. /author fails at summaries
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Kaidan... it's me again. I'm not there in person... again. I wish I could be, but I'm still out here on the Normandy, trying to keep humanity... no. Everyone from dying. I wish I could be there with you... or you here with me. I've said it before, but I'm so sorry. It's my fault you got hurt like you did. I should've shot first, thought later. I was... I was just scared of hitting you and now look where that's landed you. Stupid of me...

I have to go now, Joker needs me on deck to look at something. Just, please hold on for me. I need you, more than you may ever know. And I don't... I don't want you dying with things still not being at peace between us. I couldn't take it... I don't want to lose another person dear to my heart. So please. Hold on. The next time I'm there... you had better be awake. That's an order, Major."

I sigh as I lean back in my chair, wiping the fresh tears from my face. It was a lie about Joker needing me, but I didn't want the message to go on too long. I really hope that asari nurse is holding up to her word that she plays these for him. I don't know if he can hear them... but it's nice to think that he can. I stand up, grabbing the datapad on my desk before going to sit down on the bed. Maybe... maybe tonight I'll be able to sleep.

As I settle in for the night, I know it's childish of me to think, but I feel that if Kaidan was here, holding me in his arms... he'd keep my nightmares away.

* * *

I walk into the hospital room to find to my great surprise, Kaidan is concious.

"You're awake!"

"Yeah, I have been. I woke up the next day."

"...why wasn't I told?"

"I asked it to be kept secret for now. I knew that if you knew I was awake, you'd want to stop what you were doing and come here. The universe is more important than me." He gives me a small smile. I consider stating how he is so much important to me, but I push it aside. I'm not even sure he considers me the same way anymore.

"Why don't you sit down and we can talk?"

"Sure. Oh I forgot." I hold out the bottle of acholol. "For when you're better." He takes it from me, looking at the label before placing it on the small end table.

"Thanks Commander." I pull a chair closer to his bed, then sit, crossing my legs.

"So those messages I sent..."

"I felt bad about not telling you that I was fine. I knew how worried you were." He pauses a moment. "You talked about how you wanted to make sure things were fine between us?"

"Yeah... I mean... after Horizon and then that message you sent me... and then the incident back on Mars. I honestly don't know what is going on between us." He looks away from me, to look out the window, seeming to be given deep thought over this. I fidget, tugging at the sleeve ends of my hooded jacket, waiting for what he will say. I brace myself for the pain of knowing that it might be over. For good.

"I think for now, Commander, it's best if we just stay friends. I need some time to figure out what's going on with us and some other personal matters." He looks at me. "But I really do want to keep some kind of a relationship with you, Nicole. You're one of the best friends I've had."

"Breaking protocol a bit there, Alenko?" His face falls before I reassure him. "I'm just teasing Kaidan. I agree though." I hold out my hand. "Friends?" He grasps his hand firmly around mine.

"Friends."

* * *

A few weeks pass and we've made little to no progress on the situtation with the Reapers and with the Krogan and Turians? That's still up in the air. Sometimes I wonder if we can really win this thing or not. I shake myself out of it. No. Don't think like that, Shepard. Everyone is counting on you. I sigh as I sit down at my desk. We're on our way to recover the female Krogan that were made immune to the genophage. I just hope that goes well, I can't have something else go horribly wrong.

There's a knock at my door. I consider just asking them to leave me alone, but then I push it aside. I stand up, quickly glancing in the small mirror on my wall to make sure it's not visible I had been crying a few minutes ago. Don't need it getting out that their Commander is weak.

"It's open." I'm a bit surprised when it's Garrus who walks in.

"Hey Shepard, I hate to intrude like this but... we're all worried about you."

"What do you mean?" I cross my arms, shifting my weight to lean against the wall.

"Well for starters, you've been coming up here every chance you get. You used to always make your rounds to talk to us... is there something wrong?"

"I'm fine Garrus, I appreciate the thought though."

"Shepard, I've known you long enough to know what that is a bold faced lie." I divert my gaze to the fish tank. "We're not just your crew, Shepard. We're also your friends and our job is to make sure you're okay. You're always checking up on us." I sigh, dropping my arms to my sides. It's pointless to argue with him.

"Everything is a mess Garrus. I have to try to keep Wrex from having his temper go off the charts. The Salarians are not on our side anymore. What if we aren't successful in rescuing the females? We'll lose the chance of having the Krogan at our side to help us in the fight against the Reapers."

"It'll work out fine. They've got the best spectre-commander thought possible on the case." I give him a small smile before looking away again.

"Commander, call me a nosy Turian, but I do believe there is something else bothering you."

"You know me too well, Vakarian. Fine. I'm worried about... Kaidan. I glance at the picture of him and I on my desk.

"I'm sure that will work out fine. He's been through a lot. Who knows what kind of hell he went through those two years you were gone... he shouldn't have acted like he did on Horizon, I agree. He shouldn't judge you by a label you're supposedly wearing. We do make mistakes though, the best you can do is try to forgive us when we do."

"Is there something you've done Garrus?"

"What? No. Hell no. I was just simply saying that even I could make a mistake, as hard as that is to fathom." I can't help but laugh.

"Cocky turian."

"The one and only."

"Thanks for coming up here Garrus. I needed a friend to talk to." I give him a quick hug.

"Oh but there's more to this. You're coming downstairs with me."

"What for?"

"To spend time with the rest of us. There's no point locking yourself away from your friends. Soo we've got a couple of drinks and games lined up..."

"Alright, alright. You've made your case. I'll come down with you."

"Good. I didn't want to have to knock you out and drag you down there myself."

"I'd like to see you try." I flash him a grin before quickly making a start for the door.

"Hey now just a minute!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I hope you all are enjoying this journey of mine. I know this isn't how the makeup goes in ME3, but I don't care. I don't want to directly copy the game. I apologize for any grammatical errors. I wrote this on my tablet today and did a quick look over on it, fixing some things I found. Also I would appreciate feedback on this if you would. I love hearing from my readers. I'm sorry this wasn't as long as I said it would be. Life is getting it's butt in the way. That and... I'm still trying to finish ME3. ^^**

"Kaidan you're standing now!" I grin as I walk into the hospital room. He turns away from the window, smiling that gorgeous smile of his.

"That I am. If you came to break me out, you're a little late." I laugh.

"Oh you. So when did the doctor say you could go?"

"In a few days, they just want to make sure everything is fine. I can't go all out with my biotics yet, but hey. It could be worse."

"Yeah..." I tuck a stray piece of my brown hair behind my ear. My hair's starting to get longer than the regulations state it can be. Oh well, let's see how long I can get away with it.

"I actually wanted to ask you advice about something."

"Oh?"

"I was offered to become a spectre."

"Oh wow Kaidan, you must feel honored."

"I do I just... I asked Udina to wait because I feel unsure if I should take the position or not."

"I say you should go for it. It's a wonderful opportunity. You won't dissappoint them. We could do with another spectre from our race."

"Hmm yeah. I'll think on it." He takes a seat in one of the small easy chairs by the window. He motions to the one next to him and I sit down.

"So how long can you stay here?"

"Ohhh I'm sure I can spare a few hours. I'm sure the Normandy will be fine without me."

"Well if you're sure."

"Of course I am. I'm sure nothing will go wrong."

"Depends on who you would ask." I laugh, pushing the stray strands of my blonde hair out of my eyes.

"I've been thinking a lot about... us." Kaidan says, focusing his brown eyes on me.

"And?" I ask, my voice quiet.

"First I want to know something, are the rumors about you and Thane true?"

"What? No. Not at all. Stupid reporters thinking they can publish anything they assume." I bite back other choice words that come to mind. "I... hadn't been able to deal with a relationship yet."

"Ah... I see." He bite his lip a moment. "See, I still love you. I never stopped... when I heard you were dead, it tore me apart. I just couldn't believe... you have survived so many things that should've surely killed you. Yet you always lived. Always came back to fight another day. I didn't believe Joker at first when he had saw you get spaced." His voice breaks a little. I reach out my hand, gently resting it on his arm. "I waited for days, hoping to see you turn up. You never came. It was then I realized you were gone forever.

And then two years later I hear of something about you being alive again. I passed it off as just some mistake. Then, your name started popping up more and more. I found out Cerebus had apparently brought you back from the dead. I don't know what hit harder: the fact you were alive again or that you were with Cerebrus now.

When I saw you on Horizon, I was so happy to see you, I honestly was. Then the stupid memory of you being with Cerebrus crept back into my mind and I just lost it. I didn't even feel like myself during that, I was so angry and bitter. Look what it did to us... threw us apart for several more years." He looks down. "I thought about contacting you after you defeated the collectors, but I didn't want to distract you from your work. Then, after all that and you were grounded... I just. I don't know. I supposed you wouldn't want me around."

"Oh Kaidan, I never thought that. I mean, yeah. I was mad at what you had said on Horizon, but I never stopped loving you. Why do you think I haven't been able to be with anyone else? You're the one..." Our eyes lock then, studying the other's face. Unable to stop myself, I lean forward, gently pressing my lips to his. To my relief he returns the kiss. When we part, he places his hand on my cheek.

"So... does this mean we can try again?"

"Yes. Yes it does."


	3. Chapter 3

**I just want to say, I'm so sorry for the delay in uploading. We had a really busy week and I wasn't able to finish this chapter and I promised it would be longer. Forgive me for the sudden jump back in time we go. And also, I know I skipped a few details on Eden Prime, but it was such a short mission and I didn't want to totally copy everything. If there's any grammar problems let me know, I've been distracted by some important things going on. Please review if you would :D**

How this all began...

I run breathless into the station just in time to see the skybus leave port. "Dammit!" I punch the wall nearest to me, causing a few stares from the other waiting people. I smile awkwardly, somehow thinking that will make this seem more normal. Right. I swiftly make my way to the nearest desk, where a blonde has her back turned to me, going through some files.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" I lay my hands down on the desk. "I need to know when the next skybus leaves for the spaceport." She turns to me, pushing her black rimmed glasses up her nose, studying me before speaking.

"Five minutes, miss." I twitch a little at the sharpness in her tone. Does she even have any idea who she's talking to? Commander Nicole Shepard. I push down my want to play my 'hero of the Skyllian Blitz' card, I must be good.

"Where is it?" She points in a direction behind me. I turn seeing people pile onto a bus whose doors have just opened.

"Thank you." I dash off, determined not to miss another bus. The Alliance is already going to give me enough hell about the fact I was due to report to the station where the Normandy was docked YESTERDAY. It's not my fault my sister decided to mess with my messages to see if there was any secret men in my life. Ha. As if.

Thirty minutes later, I'm now on the Normandy, bags in my quarters, Hannibal on the desk, happily eating his carrot, and me, sitting in the briefing room waiting on Captian Anderson to get here. Apparently we're on some sort of mission with a Spectre, of all things. The doors swoosh open and the sound of two pair of feet are heard entering the room. I look up from my omni-tool to not just be greeted by Captain Anderson, but an incredibly handsome man. He has black hair and chocolate brown eyes. Tanned skin, a nice toned build. His lips twitch up into a smile and I quickly snuff out any trace of emotion on my face, standing to greet my commanding officer.

"Captain." I salute.

"At ease." He looks from me to the man, than back to me. "Commander, this is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Alenko, this is Commander Shepard." I extend my hand to shake Alenko's hand.

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. Forgive me if I'm out of line, but I must say I really look up to you after what you did back in the Skyllian Blitz." He firmly shakes my hand before releasing it. I smile a little.

"Oh, well thank you Alenko."

"The Lieutenant is now a part of the crew. I suspect you two will get along on missions?"

"Yes sir." We both answer.

"Good. Now see to it that you're ready to talk to Nihlus, he'll be in here soon to debrief you. Lieutenant there's something I need you to look at."

"Aye aye, sir." He looks back at me, giving me a smile, before following Anderson out. Well he seems nice enough... now to just handle this Turian Spectre.

Not that I hadn't had practice with talking to aliens before, it still makes me a bit nervous. I'm always scared I'll say or do something that would be considered wrong in their culture. I never want to offend them, it's why I've spent a good deal of my spare time reading up on the different races' cultures. It's all quite fascinating really. The doors swoosh open moments later and I turn to talk to Nihlus.

As soon as we touch ground, I take in the sight around me. It's quite rocky and there's splotches of grass here and there where rock is absent. I shiver slightly. This whole place feels wrong, I don't know why.

"Ma'am, you okay?" I turn to look at Alenko.

"Yeah I'm fine. Let's just get going." I draw my assault rifle, just in case we run into hostilities and judging by the gunfire and explosions I hear in the distance, we will. We get lost for a few minutes, my nav point glitching up and the rocky terrain being a pain in the ass to get around. When we reach what appears to be a fork in the trail, Jenkins moves forward to take a look at something. Lazerfire splits through his armor like paper, his now lifeless body falling to the ground to bleed out. Alenko and I duck behind a large rock. He throws one of the sentries into a tree while I unload a clip of ammo into the remaining.

Once we're sure the threat is gone I walk over to Jenkins' body. Sadness pours through me. I may not have known him that well, but I don't like men dying while under my command. I kneel down, closing his eyes, offering up a small whispered prayer.

"He deserves a burial, but we don't have the time. His death will not be in vain though. Let's finish and once we're back on the Normandy, we'll give him a proper service." I rest my hand on Alenko's shoulder a moment, before moving on ahead. What the hell is going on here? Why is Eden Prime under attack? What does that mothership have to do with this? Who does it even belong to?

My thoughts are shattered by a shout and rapid gunfire. I rush forward, seeing a woman in pink and white armor moving to duck behind a rock, running from some strange creatures. I'm not sure if they're alien or machine or both. No matter, they're hostile and they're going down. We take position as close as we can get without taking damage ourselves, wiping out the enemy. The woman turns to look at us, dropping her weapon down.

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy. Are you alright?"

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Yes I'm alright ma'am. I'm glad you came when you did, I thought I was a goner."

"Are there any other survivors?"

"Not of my squad, they got to them."

"Do you have any idea what these things are?" I notice out of the corner of my eye, Alenko examining one of the dead creatures.

"I believe they're geth."

"Geth? Last I heard those haven't been in quite a long time." Alenko speaks up.

"I know, but I'm sure that's what they are." Williams replies.

"Well geth or not, they're a threat. We need to get to the dig site and recover the Prothean artifact. Williams, you with us?"

"I wouldn't miss this for the world. Someone needs to revenge my squad." We set off, finding that the beacon has been moved to another location. We get a call from Nihlus to meet him up ahead. After securing a few resources and finding two survivors, we come to a station where on the platform... Nihlus is dead, soaking in a pool of blue turian blood.

"Who did this?" I say as I examine his body. Shot in the back. Sign of either a coward or traitor's killing. Hmm...

"Put your hands where I can see them!" Williams orders, her gun pointed at a stack of crates. Slowly a man appears from behind them, visibly shaking.

"I didn't have anything to do with his murder, the other turian did, you got to believe me!"

"At ease Williams, he looks to be unarmed." She lowers her weapon. "What happened here?"

"His friend showed up... he called him Saren. He relaxed, let his guard down and bam! Saren shot him in the back!" I nod a little. This was going to stir up hell. Spectre dies on a mission where I was to prove myself. Great.

"What about the beacon?"

"They were moving it. I don't know where. They used the tram."

"Got it... now I suggest you keep your lazy ass hidden until reinforcements can save you."

"Yeah..okay." He ducks down out of sight. We take out a few more geth before being able to securely board the tram. After Alenko starts it, I feel free to speak now.

"So what do you think of this whole mess?"

"The council isn't going to like it. Spectre dead, another appearing rogue?" Alenko shakes his head, crossing his arms. "I don't like it myself."

"Our main focus is to secure the beacon, if we can do that, I think we can at least have some good come out of this."

"It helps we did find some survivors." Williams states, as she checks over her weapons. "That has to count for something. Of course in the eyes of the alien council-"

"Shit!" I see the landing pad covered in geth and on my nav point four bombs show up on the display. "We've got bombs. You guys cover me, I can disable them." At least those tech classes weren't a complete waste of time.

Finished just in the nick of time, the bombs are disabled, the geth have been flushed out, and our prize stands in front of us. The beacon, around it a dark green aura. Alenko moves closer to examine it.

"It wasn't doing this back at the dig site." Ashley comments as I set up a comm link with the Normandy to let them know the recovery is a success. However before I can finish relaying the information, I notice that Alenko is starting to be pulled towards the beacon. I push Williams aside, dashing forward, grabbing Alenko around the waist, throwing him out of harms way. Instead the beacon takes me forward, lifting me up into the air. Electricity pours through my body, scrambled images and voices entering my mind.

Then blackness.


End file.
